We look back only to look ahead again.

I sometimes wonder what exactly it takes to make oneself aware of how beautiful life can be! Is it wealth, freedom, home? Or is it the unending series of experiences that one faces as he/she makes the best use of the available resources? Somehow at this point of my life I would tend to relate to the latter. Living alone in a room atop an apartment, I am what some might say- independent; or so it seems! I am going to be 22 in a few months time and I have no idea what my future holds for me. Yes you might think that I am irresponsible and immature, not knowing what to do with his life. Yet that’s the best part- I don’t know! This uncertainty, this unexpected nature of my existence is what drives me at present. Never before have I gone through this situation before where I am living alone without my parents, family or friends for company. Apart from financial assistance which my dad kindly provides, I have neither help nor support from anyone whom I personally know. Right now I am practically a loner. However to be able to see through yourself in such situations is what helps people become more responsible and more aware of oneself. You start to think- Will I be able to survive? Will I be able to achieve or do something constructive while living like this? You may not get the answers immediately but when you do get it you will realize how deep you are in the ocean of self-underestimation!

Today, as I sit on my bed and type this random assortment of words that is bound to make sense to many only to disappoint those who are expecting some literary spectacular, I see myself in front of a vast space of nothingness. When I look back I see all that I have done- the crazy naughtiness, the deliberate crimes, the careless mistakes as well as the innocent goodness which I have always strived to maintain. I see my relations, past and present, smirking or smiling at me; some don’t even have any expression on them. I see my home, my school and college and all the very few places that I have visited. Looking back at all these makes me smile; it makes me ponder upon their meanings, upon their purpose. It makes me wonder whether the future holds even more for me as I charter this path towards this space of nothingness. May be it will become clear once I enter it, but that’s the beauty isn’t it? You only get to know after you enter; and once you enter you can never go back. As I get ready, I say a little prayer to whomsoever it may concern, just so that I will be content with the fact that I left no stones unturned as I embark on this long journey of mine. One day it will end for sure but at least when I’ll look back then as I look back now, I hope I will be as mystified as well as amazed as I am at present. Well that’s what beauty does to you, isn’t it?! Mystify and amaze. Life is no different!